Loose Ends: Nanny’s Baby Blues

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January is the month for returning all of those holiday purchases. Families who find themselves searching for baby equipment can relate to the following story.
“I’m sorry to bother you, Miss, but I would like to buy that portaplaypen for a 10-month-old. Do you have any in the back or is that floor model the only one you have?”
“Oh ma’am, there aren’t any in the back. They have discontinued that model and we don’t have any more.”
“Are you sure? I have to have that Round ’Em Up playpen for Max. He is in that stage, you know. I can’t keep track of him at all when his mother comes to visit.”
“Well, we do have a newer model that hasn’t been taken out of the box yet. I’ll have Tiffany get it for you.”
“No, this one is exactly the one I need. I’m sure the new one won’t have the reinforced steel and no-break mesh with the fold-em-but-hold-em feature built in.”
“Ma’am, the new one is guaranteed to keep even the most precious little one penned in.”
“I can’t risk it, Chanteuse. I mean … Chartreuse. Is that how you pronounce your name? You probably are used to babies that just lie there and let everyone ooh and ahh over them, I bet.”
“Well, we do specialize in top of the line products for the younger set. What did you say the little sweetheart’s name is?”
“Just Max, although he was named Maximillion Thor when he first arrived.”
“I am soooo sorry that I can’t sell you the floor model, it has a few flaws.”
“Oh I am sure the store owner wouldn’t mind if you sold it, I don’t mind flaws. Besides, I need it by tonight. I don’t get to take care of this tater-tot often enough.”
“Even though the box was marked ‘hazardous materials’? Apparently it was stored next to something being shipped from a superfund site somewhere.”
“As long as the box wasn’t ripped or something, I am sure it is fine.”
“Okay, but don’t bring it back and tell the store owner that I sold it to you. That will be $180 dollars, please.”
Later on that evening …
“Mom, that is such a cool doggy playpen. Are you sure Max won’t be any trouble?”
“No problem, Hon, no problem at all.”