“…while golf and fishing are Scotland’s most popular outdoor sports, gossip is the most popular indoor sport.” – Diana Gabaldon (Outlander)
We may not be in Scotland, but we can draw some definite parallels.
It’s been my observation that the rumor mill (which would be an ideal moniker for a small town cafe, bakery or convenience store, if someone is so inclined) starts churning full speed as soon as we hit false spring, or shortly after state wrestling, whichever comes first. We’re bored, we’re tired of being bundled up in winter clothes, we want to go outside, and we want to reconnect with folks we haven’t seen for a while. When we do, we start swapping stories. Those bits and pieces of collected information that have made their way to our itchy ears get jumbled and repackaged and shared, with varying degrees of accuracy.
Some of it is happy news. Most of it is not, thanks to negativity bias — our brain’s tendency to “attend to, learn from, and use negative information far more than positive information.” Bad news, like lies, travels faster than good news.
The obvious solution is for everyone to shut up. Obviously that’s not going to happen. Even when we have the best of intentions, we find ourselves drawn in. Perhaps gossip is unavoidable. There’s evidence people gossiped in ancient Greece and maybe even earlier. It’s woven into our communcation from the time we are young. We’re all likely guilty to one degree or another.
There is some potential good news: according to a 2024 study, gossip isn’t all bad. It can help maintain a code of ethics among our social groups and the larger society.
If you’ve been run through the rumor mill a time or two you know how unpleasant and uncomfortable it can be. It’s far more entertaining to make up your own rumors about yourself and sow them, like little seeds, in all the right places, then see how long it takes for the story — usually much different than the original version — to come back to you.
Since human history and human nature indicate gossip isn’t going away, can we at at least resolve to be better-behaved gossips?
• Consider your motivation for spilling the tea. Are you attempting to bond with someone? Share something vulnterable about yourself instead.
• Talk about something besides other people, like books or movies or your favorite band.
• “Trust but verify” — check your facts first. If you’re just opining about someone else’s lifestyle, choices, behavior or other, qualify your statments. (I know this may come as a shock, but opinions are not facts, no matter how strongly we feel about them.)
Following those steps is not a perfect solution, but it may limit the potential for harm.