“Everyone is doing the best they can.
When they can do better, they will.”
Dr. Lee Gibson
I’d like you to try an imagination exercise. Think about the person in your life who causes you the most resentment, frustration and disappointment. You might think they’re lazy, sloppy, careless, mean, foolish, weak, deceitful, disrespectful, rude or any other combination of character flaws. Just thinking about them makes your stomach hurt and your jaw clench.
Grr. Why are they the way they are? Why don’t they do better?
It could be your child, parent, or sibling. It could be a coworker, a friend or an acquaintance. It could even be someone you only “know” because they’re famous, like a celebrity or a politician. Or it could be an entire classification of people, like everyone who ascribes to a particular religion, political party, lifestyle, or any of the other delineating characteristics we use to subdivide our fellow humans into our tidy little tribes.
Back to the exercise: picture your chosen irritant, imagine them clearly enough you feel your blood pressure rising, and then say the following statement aloud: “They are doing the best they can. When they can do better, they will.” (You may have to repeat this multiple times to get your blood pressure back down to normal. Trust me.)
You should experience a shift in attitude, however slight. If you don’t, after multiple attempts, you may need to check your ego and try again. Choosing to believe that everyone is doing the best they can serves to defuse the harsh, critical attitudes we’re all packing around.
The appearance of a homeless person in town generated hundreds of comments on social media over the last week or so. If you weren’t commenting, you were probably silently judging the commenters. Or at least making your own value judgment about the homeless guy when you drove by. If we put half the time and energy into seeking a solution that we put into engaging in useless commentary, just imagine what we could accomplish. It boggles the mind.
What if everyone really is doing the best they can with what they have right now? That doesn’t mean their actions (or inaction) are right. It doesn’t mean they aren’t behaving badly. It doesn’t mean they deserve unconditional tolerance or avoid logical consequences for their behavior. It means when they can do better, they will, and we might just be able to help them get there by teaching, leading or setting a better example.
There will always be grouches and grinches among us… sometimes we are them. But what would Sesame Street be without Oscar to balance out the kindness with some sass? Whoville wouldn’t be so sweet without the Grinch. We see them, we know them, but we don’t have to be them. And remember, they’re doing the best they can, too. Oscar and the Grinch prove the quote to be true in their fictional worlds… when they can do better, they do.
