This Mother’s Day, instead of flowers (or maybe along with flowers) and breakfast in bed (if you don’t do the dishes from making the breakfast, it’s not really a gift), let’s give moms what they really need: a break from chronic expectations of perfection for themselves and their kids.
Being a mother is hard. It’s physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually demanding from the time of conception ‘til… well, forever. My children are all full-grown adults now, with children of their own, and while the pressures are different, they’re still there. As the physical demands of infants and toddlers wane, the mental and emotional demands of adolescence and young adulthood increase. That’s not to say there aren’t equally wonderful joys and moments of great pride. And as grandparents will likely attest, grandchildren are a kind of reward for surviving your children’s teenage years.
The pressure on moms is real, and it’s getting worse. I’ve watched the young women in my life strive to produce Pinterest-worthy parenting moments, and then feel guilty and ashamed when reality doesn’t live up to the photoshopped presentations they’re bombarded with on social media.
Over-the-top gender reveal parties, baby showers with all the trimmings, implementing the perfect birth plan (as if!), and documenting every moment of every day in the child’s life in awe-inspiring Instagrammable moments. Little kids’ birthday parties are no longer simple gatherings of a few neighborhood kids, cousins and classmates. Parents are tossed headlong into a silent competition for who can host the biggest, best party. Renting a petting zoo or hiring live entertainment for a 3-year-old’s birthday is no longer reserved for the rich and famous.
Every honest mother is plagued with uncertainty, and every mother makes mistakes in the process. Children don’t come with instruction manuals, because they’re individual little humans and no cookie-cutter plan will suit every kid. Don’t believe me? Have more than one. That second kid will upend every schema and strategy you thought “worked” with the first one, and each subsequent child reinvents the wheel in one area or another, requiring constant parental adaptation. Getting them to adulthood mostly healthy and stable is a big task. Getting them to adulthood and expecting perfection from them or from ourselves is nigh impossible.
So this Sunday, cut the moms in your life — especially the moms of littles — some slack, because they won’t do it for themselves.
And for all the moms out there, give yourself a pat on the back and shake off all that peer pressure. You’re doing the best you can with what you have, and that’s all anyone can expect.
