“A long time ago, I made me a rule. I let people do what they want to do.”
― John Wayne
We struggle so much with trying to manage and control what other people think and feel and do and believe, and often tie ourselves up in knots of anxiety and resentment when our efforts prove futile. Education tells us we must enlighten the uneducated, religion tells us we must convert those who don’t believe what we believe, and politics tell us we all have to agree on every policy and politician if we’re going to have any kind of peace.
Have you ever had a friend get completely obsessed with a new hobby, so that every conversation goes back to the new hobby and how great it is and why you, too, should take it up (or are you that friend)? Are you just certain you know exactly what your family member/friend/coworker should do about the situation they’re in and so you jump in to tell them why your way is the best way?
Let’s face it, it’s awful to be on either side of that equation — convincer or convincee.
There’s a poem that’s gained traction recently called “Let Them,” by Cassie Phillips. In a nutshell, without printing the entire poem, it’s a mindset that releases us from the need to control, change, convince, compel, convert or otherwise coerce folks into doing things the way we want them done and the subsequent feelings of rejection, failure, despair and frustration that accompany the attempt to control.
Whether it’s adult children or aging parents, friends or coworkers, or that neighbor waving the “wrong” flag, you don’t have to convince them or change them, just let them.