So next time envy arises, remember: Joy is never in short supply. There’s plenty to go around. ~ M. Andrew McConnell
You have to love the German language for its potent specificity in turning compound words into descriptors. You may be familiar with the term “schadenfreude,” defined as taking pleasure or finding joy in someone else’s misfortune. Schadenfreude sounds like a horrible character trait (and it is) but it’s also incredibly common.
It’s the little rush of righteous satisfaction we feel when someone passes us on a double yellow and then gets pulled over, or the secret glee you experience when you go to a reunion and find out the homecoming queen who was so mean to you back in the day is in jail. Psychologically speaking, schadenfreude is pretty normal human behavior, but it’s not the kind of character trait we should be cultivating.
I’ve experienced both sides of schadenfreude but only learned of its counterpart — freudenfreude — recently. Freudenfreude describes the joy we feel when someone else succeeds, like when a friend gets a promotion or buys their first home. Freudenfreude is why we cheer when we witness a surprise public marriage proposal answered in the affirmative.
Interestingly, while we think schadenfreude feels good in the moment, it pulls us into a downward spiral of negative thinking. Freudenfreude, on the other hand, has been proven to increase individual happiness and improve the quality of personal relationships.
Depending on your personality or how you were raised, you may naturally tend toward one or the other. The good news is that freudenfreude can be developed with practice and mindfulness.
The next time you find yourself in a schadenfreude moment, try saying the word aloud, like saying “gesundheit” (also German, meaning “health”) when someone sneezes. If nothing else, it will alert you to reset your brain from negative to positive.
