“What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.”
~ Maya Angelou
‘Tis the season we’ve waited months for, when flowers bloom and trees bud and grass springs back to life and … pollen. Now that we can’t complain about the snow, we can complain about our allergies. Right?
In a few short weeks we’ll bemoan the heat, wildfire smoke, or too much rain. If feels like our default human pattern is set to negative. And when someone is perpetually positive, it feels suspicious, like there might be something wrong with them.
In casual conversation it’s easy to fall back on the negative because we tend to agree on things like: being too busy, being tired, how annoying toddlers are, how annoying teenagers are, how hard work is, how burned out we feel, how there’s always something wrong with the weather… too hot, too cold, too windy, too wet, too dry; and we seek points on which we can agree with one another so we can have that sense of community and belonging.
“Well, why shouldn’t I complain? Everything is going to hell in a handbasket!” The complainers argue.
Because complaining is bad for us. It elevates our stress hormones and makes us depressed and sad and hopeless and generally miserable. The little boost of dopamine we get from someone agreeing with us that fill-in-the-blank is awful isn’t enough to outweigh all the grumbling.
As Maya Angelou said, if you don’t like it, change it. If you can’t change it (and yes, there are plenty of things that we cannot change), we can always change the way we think about it. Our perception creates our reality, good or bad. Sure, a venting session might be absolutely necessary from time to time, but use those venting sessions as a way to release negative thoughts, not a way to fertilize them and spread grouch seeds all around.
I’m at least as prone to negativity and Eeyore behavior as the next person, but I’m working on changing that habit. Life’s far too short to spend it complaining about things that are out of our control. And most things are out of our control.
By Niki Turner | [email protected]
Well written! I agree!!