The misery quotient
I don’t like being miserable, but I know some people who seem to revel in it, and that always makes me wonder why. I think we all have a “misery quotient” – the amount of distress or discomfort one is able to endure before taking the necessary steps to enact a change in one’s life. That could be a change in relationship, work, health or behavior.
We all have friends and family we wish would change in some way, usually because their distress is making us distressed in some way. Their perceived unwillingness to do something about their situation leaves us baffled. Why don’t they just change?
The answer may lie in that misery quotient. Maybe theirs is exceptionally high, maybe they’ve never known anything other than discomfort, or they don’t know they have the power to change their circumstances. Whatever the reason, we are powerless to help them until they reach their quotient, and no one can define what that is except the individual.
It’s a heck of a lot easier to wallow in self-pity and sorrow, bemoaning all the things that have been done to us than it is to be proactive about something. Change, after all, is terrifying.
Sadly, the longer we wallow, the more “stuck” we’re liable to become. It’s like trying to get your car unstuck. The longer you sit and spin the tires, the deeper they get embedded in the mud (or snow). Getting unstuck usually involves getting out of the vehicle, assessing the situation, putting some physical labor into the problem – like shoveling yourself out – or asking for help. Asking for help is often the last resort for most of us, thanks to oversized servings of pride and shame and ego, but sometimes it’s the only way out of a tough situation.
What’s your misery quotient? Where can you make changes for the better? They don’t have to be huge and dramatic (unless you’ve waited too long, then there’s usually no choice). Relief often comes from the simplest, smallest adjustments to our daily routine, mindset, and what we say to ourselves and others.
