“No one is coming to save you; no one is coming to make life right for you; no one is coming to solve your problems. If you don’t do something, nothing is going to get better. The dream of a rescuer who will deliver us may offer a kind of comfort, but it leaves us passive and powerless. We may feel if only I suffer long enough, if only I yearn desperately enough, somehow a miracle will happen, but this is the kind of self-deception one pays for with one’s life as it drains away into the abyss of unredeemable possibilities and irretrievable days, months, decades.” ― Nathaniel Branden, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
From childhood, we’re primed to anticipate the arrival of a knight in shining armor who will rescue us from doom and destruction at the 11th hour. Our storybooks, fairy tales (the modernized versions, at least, original Grimm was pretty dark), and action/adventure movies and TV shows are scripted to keep us on the edge of our seats while we wait for the proverbial cavalry to ride in, guns blazing, to save the protagonist from whatever situation they’ve found themselves.
In adulthood we shift to more amorphous potential rescuers — scientific advances, particularly in medicine; religious beliefs; or the government (but only if it’s your preferred party/politician); or winning the lottery, striking oil in the backyard, finding out you’ve been named in some secret relative’s will and stand to inherit millions, or being “discovered” and suddenly attaining great fame and fortune.
The idea, in our discomfort, is that surely someone is going to do something to fix our woes, we just have to be patient. It’s a lovely way to daydream away an afternoon, but it’s a complete waste of time and energy.
Oh, how I hate that. Setting aside that romanticized ideal is hard.
As Branden puts it, “The dream of a rescuer who will deliver us may offer a kind of comfort, but it leaves us passive and powerless.”
Passive and powerless is definitely not a goal to achieve. If — and here that daydream stubbornly refuses to die — a rescuer swoops in, I want to be found actively engaged in making progress, no matter how minimal, toward a solution. At the very least, I want to be found holding my ground, putting less weight and value on my feelings and opinions than on finding solutions.
Do you find yourself sitting back, waiting for someone else to “fix it,” only to be repeatedly disappointed and resentful when the new relationship, the new administration, the new magic pill, the new prayer program, or the latest cryptocurrency scheme fails to make anything better? Ask yourself, who do you think is going to solve the problem? Then go look in the mirror, point a figure at your own reflection, and ask yourself what you can do to get started. It might be minuscule in comparison to the problems you see around you, but great accomplishments begin with small actions.
