“Trade your expectations for appreciation and the world changes for you.” – Tony Robbins
By the time you’re reading this, you’ll either be prepping for Thanksgiving or cleaning up and noshing on leftovers. Hopefully either way, you’ll be filled with joy and peace and have a wonderful holiday. But some of you will be embroiled in a family feud, disappointed someone didn’t show up, troubled by someone’s behavior, or just wish you could take an eraser to all the holidays on the calendar because, let’s face it, they can be an emotional, physical, financial, mental, and relational drain. And why is that? Holidays are supposed to be times of rest, relaxation, celebration, and joy, aren’t they?
Instead we often get a laundry list of societal expectations, spoken and unspoken obligations, and all the resentments that come along with them like gravy with mashed potatoes. If you have never had a wildly disappointing Christmas or Thanksgiving or other big commercialized holiday at some point in your life, that’s phenomenal… you’re statistically an anomaly.
There was the year Caitln was sick on Thanksgiving and we spent it alone, with a roast chicken instead of a turkey. Or the year half the family woke up on Christmas morning with the stomach flu. Or the year Ethan’s dog was the victim of a hit and run on Christmas Eve. Or the time we left the turkey in the laundry room to defrost while we went to church and the dogs broke through the door and gnawed off all the defrosted parts (I cooked the rest of it anyway). Five years ago my now ex-husband had a complete mental breakdown on Thanksgiving Eve that ended with a flight-for-life trip to St. Mary’s and a weeklong stay in the psych ward.
Now, when people ask me what I’m doing for the holidays, there’s a reason my answer is “as little as humanly possible.”
And it’s OK, I keep reminding myself. There’s so much pressure to perform, to celebrate, to be festive, to socialize, to have grand gestures and gifts on these half a dozen or so specific days every year, that when we realize what we really need is a day off and some quiet time, we feel guilty. More misplaced expectations.
I heard the Tony Robbins’ quote during a workout a few weeks ago and it stuck. No more expectations, just appreciation.
Nothing to do and nowhere to go for the holidays? That’s OK. Appreciate the peace and quiet. Can’t buy everything you want to buy? Appreciate what you already have. Don’t get to see family because they’re spending this year with the in-laws? It’s OK, it’s really just a day on the calendar. You can have a Thanksgiving feast any day of the year, and you can celebrate the real meaning of Christmas every day of the year.
Take whatever expectations are floating around in your head and set them aside, and find things to appreciate instead.