A few weeks ago, I attended a family reunion. This year, we were encouraged to share with the others how many years we had been married. I don’t know most of these distant relatives on a personal basis, so I was amazed at the number of couples who had passed their golden anniversary. As Tracy and I are closing quickly on our big 5-0, it got me thinking about how these long marriages compared to ours. Here are some not-so-secret secrets to a successful marriage.
Establish early whether your spouse like surprises or not. My wife does enjoy not knowing exactly what she is getting for Christmas. I believe this relates to how her grandmother had the habit of unwrapping her presents early and then rewrapping them. She would then pretend innocence and hint how much she would really enjoy receiving a pink sweater for Christmas. While we’re on the subject of gifts, never give a woman a gift with an electric cord! I learned this one when I surprised her with a perfectly good, professionally installed electric garage door opener for her birthday. Gifts like electric mixers, weed eaters and chain saws just don’t inspire women for some mysterious reason.
One should always seek to encourage your spouse in their accomplishments. Lie if you have to! This tactic is also useful in side-stepping loaded questions like: “Does this dress make my butt look big?” or “Do you love me more than your new bass boat?” The fool that wrote marriage should be founded on absolute truth is probably divorced three times by now.
One should always forgive. Even if that offense is the first scratch on your new car. Please be aware that, although a woman will forgive her husband almost anything, she will never forget it! You will have a better chance at clemency from the President of the United States.
Compromise is key to your relationship. However, the husband should always have the last words in an argument. The words are “yes, dear.” An ancient question is asked, “If a husband is alone in a forest and makes a statement, is he still wrong?” Here are some universal tips to safety and well-being. Men, always put the toilet seat down! This is always good advice, just remember to do it after, not before use. This has a double advantage of not leaving an opportunity for the dog to use it as drinking fountain. Other, not so obvious tips include: Don’t flush while she is in the shower; Don’t bring the fish/elk home for her to clean; and never hang wallpaper together. The secret to peace in my long marriage: his and hers separate tool boxes.
By ED PECK – Special to the Herald Times
