A shifty looking guy in a kilt walks into a London pub, orders a pint, and very carefully puts down the plastic bag he was carrying. The suspicious barkeeper asks, “What’s that?” The Scotsman answers, “Six pounds of explosives.” The barkeeper replies with obvious relief. “Thanks goodness, I thought it might be bagpipes.”
A man writes to DEAR ABBY: My bagpipes have a hole. How do I fix it? ABBY: Scotch tape of course. The deeper philosophical question is… why would anyone try to fix bagpipes?
I grew up thinking bagpipes were a Scottish invention to scare off bears and wild whistle pigs. It is actually a multinational instrument played in Ireland, other Celtic countries, Greece, and many other places. The most popular version is the Highland bagpipe which was made from a goat or small sheep skin sewn together with wood or bamboo pipes. Only one pipe is used to create a tune from only 9 notes. The other three pipes point up and are known as drone notes. They only play one note at full, annoying volume continually. It is known for sheer volume and a 10 mile range of screeches (er… melody).
Ancient Highlanders used bagpipes in war. As such, it was considered by their British enemy as a war instrument and outlawed along with weapons in 1560 after conquering some of the Highland Kings. During WWI and WWII, British commanders used Highland bagpipers to inspire troops to attack. As unarmed leaders in battle, the mortality rate for pipers was rather high.
Today’s Highland bagpipes are made of synthetic bags and played with air supplied by a very healthy set of lungs. It’s popularity has grown to be an international favorite at outdoor festivals. It attracts men, women, and teens who compete in precision marching bands with many bagpipes, snare drums and one bass drum. Basically, anyone who is willing to wear a uniform kilt and willing to practice the same tune over and over with a group can form a pipe band. Some of the best groups are military or police bands who compete around the world.
Colorado hosts many annual Celtic festivals. The closest to us are Estes Park and Grand Junction. We may see some at the Sheepdog Trials later this summer. There also musical groups who have incorporated some bagpipes along with electric guitars to create Celtic Rock. The Edinburgh international festival entertains tens of thousands of people every year at its Military Tattoo. No, the Tattoo is not an event for ink artists. The word, Tattoo, is derived from “taps,” the signal for soldiers to return to barracks and sleep. Literarily, an order for pub owners to turn off their beer taps and expel the soldiers.
For indoor musical entertainment, there is also the Irish Uilleann pipe. It is smaller and can be played at a more moderate volume. Instead of air supplied by a mouth piece, air is pumped by a bag squeezed between one arm and ribs. It reminds me of a little boy trying to create rude sounds with his armpit. My apologies to our local bagpipe musicians who have spent many hours mastering this difficult instrument. Keep at it! Remember, don’t run with bagpipes. You could put your eye out, or worse, get kilt.
Source: Dan Farrant of hellomusictheory.com
By ED PECK
Special to the Herald Times
