Everyone has a book in them just waiting to be written. Some of these might not make it past the censors or editors, but we all have enough stories or insights to fill a book. I’d like to encourage you all with some suggested titles—subjects that need a book, if they haven’t already been written. These are nuggets of knowledge and wisdom we all wish we’d known earlier in life.
Our new library of wisdom should start with a book on procrastination. It could be titled “The Art of Procrastination: A Guide to Putting Things Off Long Enough That It Doesn’t Matter Anymore, or Someone Else Did It for Me.” The author could use the pen name Aloisous Waffelling.
Other titles could include: “What Not to Say to Your Wife: Does This Make My Butt Look Too Big?”, by Leanard Toolate. This could be marriage-saving advice for new husbands—maybe even lifesaving.
Then there’s “The Zen Behind [Pun Intended] Over vs. Under Toilet Paper Rolling and Leaving the Toilet Seat Up”.
A great sci-fi book would be “Area 51 Explained”, by Abbie Normal.
In Northwest Colorado, perhaps a cookbook titled “101 Recipes for a Freezer Full of Ground Squirrels: Appetizers and Kabobs”. You must be creative—Ground Squirrel Helper isn’t exactly on the grocery shelf anymore.
How about “Macaroni and Cheese Recipes for Bachelors” or “Making Color-Coded To-Do Lists for Intermediate Husband Nagging”?
Then there’s “Twelve Short Sermons by Baptist Preachers”.
For sportsmen: “Arkansas Dynamite Fishing Techniques”, by Joe Bob.
For the DIY crowd: “Home Maintenance for the Inept: We Do Not Need to Hire a Plumber”, by Allie Thumbs.
Health and wellness books always sell well. “Professional Counseling for Seniors Who Cannot Nap,” written by Abigail Tabby and co-authored by I.M. Tucker, or “Therapeutic Cat Massage,” by Claude Armsley.
“Normal Is Just a Setting on Your Dryer,” by Washington Dreier, would be a bestseller.
“How to Coordinate Your Sleep Number Bed with Your CPAP Settings” and “How to Translate Doctorese: What Did He Say?” could help a lot of people. After all, when a doctor says, “This won’t hurt a bit,” what they really mean is, “This won’t hurt me a bit. You, however, are going to scream.”
Some subjects defy explanation. “Why do they call it an emergency room if all you see is curtains and have to wait three hours?” That title might never get used.
Another mystery book idea: “Navigating Social Security Red Tape or Medicare Supplements, Gap Insurance, Copayments, and Deductibles Simplified.”
And how about “Balancing the Federal Budget Made Easy?” Never mind—Andrew Jackson may have already written that one.
I hope this inspires other writers to write what they know—or at least pretend they know, like me.
By ED PECK