Loose Ends: Sorry, wrong number

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A  long time ago dialing a wrong number was an occasion for staying on the phone. Once someone recognized the caller’s voice, they would launch into a long conversation that  might precede with, “Oh, its you. Now that I’ve got you on the phone …” Now that global outsourcing has linked little communities with huge calling centers all over the world, even wrong numbers can keep one on the phone forever.“This is Esmie, how can I help you?”“I want to discontinue my credit card account and ….”“Well, this is the WXYZ mental health center so we could start you in our Don’t Go Wild With Money classes to start.”“No thanks, is this number the same as the credit card company?” “You just dialed 822, when you should have dialed 823, but it sounds like you needed to call us too.”“I will just redial, but thanks for offering to help.”“Ma’am, I know I can be of help now that I have you on the phone, as credit card debt can drive you mad, I know it does me.”“That’s a thought, but I pay mine off every month, so I don’t have a problem. I appreciate your help, though.”“It just takes one missed payment to let you know that it is more serious than you think, what did you say your name was? Dorothy? Dottie? Please list the number of credit cards you have, how much you pay each month and how many times you have used the excuse the payment got lost in the mail (or eaten by the computer) for paying the full amount.”“No, no, no. That has never been a problem for me. I have had the same two credit cards with Capablecard and Passport for years now. Only missed one payment every few years or so, when the bill never arrived or it came right as we were going out the door on vacation.”“I know Sweetie, it is perfectly understandable. You have misdialed the exact place to get the help you need, though. Even missing one or two payments over 30 years can triple the finance charges and damage your credit score. So why don’t we go through your credit history and set you up for some counseling immediately.”“Please excuse me Esmerelda, but I am not interested, really. What was that number I needed to dial again? Oh wait, let me get a pencil. No, I really do need to call the credit card company and cancel. You want my mailing address to send me a mental health survey? Not needed, I am positive. Just give me the number change please.”“If you don’t mind, for quality control purposes, this phone call is being monitored. We simply need a little more information from you to determine how it is that so many of Capablecard customers reach our number. Account number? Last four digits of your social security number? Grandmother’s maiden name? Favorite pet?”CLICK!Ring, Ring.“Hello? Are you there? Please call us back at this wrong number as soon as possible. Your credit card craziness has now been certified and we would like to help you.”