Someone handed me a token boldly marked “ROUND TU IT.” It was meant to be an encouragement to get something done when I got “around to it.” You are reading the wrong column if I have to explain the joke. I promised Niki this article a month ago. I told her I just couldn’t get around to finishing it. I couldn’t find enough motivation for writing about procrastination. After all, we all have priorities. For instance, those Christmas lights hanging from the roof! I did promise to have them down by Labor Day! That wasn’t really procrastination, just labor-saving. By leaving them on the roof all spring and summer I could get a jump on Christmas decorating before Halloween. This way, I wouldn’t have to contend with the chance of early snow. I was just anticipating the seasons much like the retail trade starts playing canned Christmas music two days before Halloween.
Unless you are one of those Type A personalities, we all procrastinate. Guys are more guilty than gals. I mean, why should we fix that muffler noise now, when we know the noise will go away when the pipe scrapes off on that four-wheel-drive route. Properly ignored, most problems just go away or somebody else fixes them. Problem solved! I personally think of it as an ancient labor-saving device. I can just picture some prehistoric wife nagging her husband about getting away from the fire and doing some hunting-gathering. His reply was bound to be, “But dear, we still have half a Wooly Mammoth frozen in the cave!”
At least the caveman didn’t have to worry about calendars, clocks or anniversaries. If missing anniversaries and birthdays weren’t a commonplace thing for men, Hallmark wouldn’t have an entire section for belated greeting cards, right? Do you realize how many florists would go out of business without guilt-tripped husbands? Procrastination may well be a multi-million-dollar contributor to the Gross National Product. It is almost a patriotic duty!
In the south, procrastination is almost a cultural institution. They have a phrase to explain any delays. “I waz fixin’ to do that!” See how the phrase avoids any mention of when he was going to get around to it? I was elated when we moved to Meeker and discovered this wonderful time-saving device called Meeker Time. What a convenient excuse for being late. When I retired, time and days became fuzzy. I became completely dependent on my pill dispenser box labeled SUN-MON-TUE-WED-THU-FRI-SAT. If I missed my vitamins in the morning, I would find myself wishing everyone TGIF on Saturday.
Occasionally I can be motivated by a deadline. Out-of-town guests to our house can spur me into a flurry of activity. I can cut weeds and put away snow tires when I have to. I will warn you, however, that delayed housekeeping can be dangerous. After two months under the bed, Dust bunnies buy dust steroids and become dust rhinos!
Despite our nature to procrastinate, men are quite capable of remembering important dates, like the hour and minute to apply for a deer tag from the CPW before the other 1,700 men get on their computer. We can’t remember the ages of our children, but we can remember how many points we had three years ago and didn’t get the elk tag we deserved. Maybe I’ll finish this column later, when I get around to it. Right now, all I have is a “Square Whatsis.”
By ED PECK – Special to the Herald Times
