March 25, 2025, a date that will live in history. This husband (me) found a jar of pickle relish in the pantry that his wife could not. I thought about renting a billboard, but none were available.
Now, it is not special for men to search for 30 minutes for a pair of socks in a drawer, only to have his wife reach in and pluck them out. It is akin to a magician pulling a rabbit out of hat blindfolded (the magician, not the rabbit). Most husbands suffer from Male Pattern Blindness (M.P.B. for short). It develops over time with exposure to the bright light of refrigerators. It only effects the Y chromosome. Early onset M.P.B. often exhibits itself with the phrase, “Maaaa, I can’t find my shoes!”
Men can find a dropped bolt that rolled under the center of a car without extra light in under 30 seconds (often aided by the use of Mechanics Language). We can see a minor paint scratch in a Corvette at 20 paces. We can locate an elk two ridges over. However, we can’t locate the Tupperware bowl containing last month’s pork chili in the refrigerator, which is why it has been there six weeks.
There is no known cure for M.P.B., Pharmaceuticals do not advertise on late night TV reruns, hailing miracles in medicine with little green pills. M.P.B. is often mistaken for T.I.E. (Temporary Invisibility Effect), the ability of an object to become temporally invisible in the normal spectrum. Scientists are not sure if this effect is due to true transparency or merely camouflage. Example, a pickle jar taking on the appearance of a mustard bottle.
Both theories have heavy supporters. You may scoff. How can one accept as fact Black Holes, Quantum Physics, and other unseen objects and reject invisibility in a sock drawer? I am personally working on a Unified Theory of the Drier Vortex sixth dimension to explain it all.