In this age of technology, emails, posts and texts are depriving us of one of the greatest joys you can experience. Talking, not just talking, but having a conversation, one on one, face-to-face with one another is one of the most important interactions we can have as humans. When working with people who have lost a loved one, the number one greatest issue is those unfinished conversations. It is surprising how many times a loved one passes, the family comes together to make the arrangements and they struggle to find just the basic information needed to complete the needed forms. But it goes even deeper than that.
Chances are, you know many things about your loved ones. You may know their favorite color, food or car. You may know that Aunt Mary took a trip to China and brought you back a set of chopsticks. The family stories are frequently recounted over and over. Sometimes they even change and evolve. But have you asked Aunt Mary what she was feeling as she got onto the plane for her very first flight?
You have heard the stories of your aunt and uncle’s wedding, including the embarrassing bit about the 5-year-old you who insisted on wrapping herself into the skirts of the wedding dress. But have you asked your aunt what she was thinking the moment before she started down the aisle?
We may know many things about some of the significant people, places and events that have shaped the lives of the people we love, but we do not know everything. When someone passes, we lose our opportunity to gather their stories, understand who they are at a deeper level, and discover how their experience shaped their lives and ours.
Sometimes the stories are funny, leaving you laughing inside for years and years. Sometimes they are tragic. In some instances, the stories are too painful to tell. However, if you are open and caring, sometimes, telling those stories allows your loved one to unburden themselves, and heal a little of their broken heart. Knowing the stories expands who your loved one is in your world.
Sitting down to talk can be such a treasured moment. Learning about people, places, values, and lessons can bring you closer to the people in your life. Sharing stories can create a very different relationship as you see them through a different lens. It can deepen and strengthen your relationship with them. It can help you to understand and appreciate the uniqueness of who they are.
Finding a way to start the conversation is clumsy and difficult, but in most cases, once the conversation begins, it may be hard to stop. Over the next few weeks, I will try to give you some pointers on having “The Talk.”
By TERESIA REED | Executive Director, Rio Blanco County Historical Society