You will hear many strange words across Scotland today. You will find English and Gaelic on many signs. What most Scots speak every day is Scottish English. Its many dialects can be very poetic and humorous in describing life, people and insults. I will try to give you a taste of the language, here are some wonderful ways to insult someone: “Yer aff yer heid”. Equates to, you are off your head or crazy. This phrase can be quite useful in Meeker town meetings and Commissioner’s hearings. Or maybe “Yer bum’s ott the windae”. (Your backside is sticking out the window.). You are talking nonsense or rubbish.
On rough Monday morning at work someone could say to you, “ Ye look like wan o’clock struck”. (You look like someone awakened at one o’clock in the morning.) Meaning you look half awake and need coffee. If you are rather scruffy looking from a long night out on the town, you could “Look like something the cat drug in”. Around the office water cooler that morning you could be exchanging unfounded gossip. Be warned, “A lie is half-way roon Scotland afore the truth has it’s boots oan.” (That is, a Lie can travel half-way around Scotland before the truth can put on its boots and correct it.) In the managers meeting you always have someone giving a report and just won’t shut up. If you use this phrase, I guarantee a stop to it. “War youse vaccinated wi’ a gramophone needle? Haud yer wheesht! “. (Were you vaccinated using a gramophone needle? Hold your tongue.) Of course, it would be politically incorrect to call someone and idiot, but you could say “Eejit” or worse, “Ya a muckle gype” (a massive idiot). If a friend is prone to exaggeration, you remark, “twelve herrings an a bagpipe mak a rebellion”. I am not even going to try to explain that phrase. Scots are down to earth with philosophy. “Better tae bust oot. than rust oot”. (It is better for a person to live life to its fullest rather than sit and rust out). It pays to have a good positive outlook on life. “Guid gear comes in sm’ bulk”. (Good things come in small packages). A Vulcan would say “Live long and prosper”. A Scott would say it like this, “Lang may yer lum reek”. (Long may your chimney smoke). If a Scot wanted to express to someone special that she is the apple of his eye, he would get right to the point and say, “Yer ma wee chookie hen”. If that isn’t romantic, I don’t know what is! Remember the grade school vocabulary list? Well, here are some new ones for you. Bahoockie=Bottom/backside/butt; Wee Bairn=small child or baby; Bonnie=Beautiful; Canny= careful or clever; Crabbit=bad tempered or grumpy; Drookit=soaking wet; Noo=now; Pinkie=little finger; Oxters are armpits. “Ah dinnea ken” (I don’t know) if you can work those into your next conversation at your next outdoor party, but it would be fun. Just keep in mind, HAGGIS DOESN’T COOK WELL ON A BARBEQUE GRILL. It keeps falling through the grate.
Special to the Herald Times
